S2 Ep#6: What’s gratitude? How to bring that to your life.

Is gratitude an act, a habit or a practice? We share our take on the subject of gratitude and how we have come to see it.

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Transcript of episode

Rani 0:00
So today’s episode is slightly different than the other episodes right? So

Suraj 0:03
we have cheated a bit, haven’t Yes,

Rani 0:06
because we did a Facebook Live and we decided to put it in podcast

Suraj 0:48
Is this called repurposing your content or something?

Rani 0:50
Yes, yes, it is about repurposing our content repurposing our good content. So we hope you enjoy it is about gratitude. And we take a slightly different stance. Alternative stance.

Suraj 1:06
Yeah, hope you like it. So we’ll play it for you.

Rani 1:09
What was very interesting about this weekend, was there a special day yesterday? Yes, another day in the year. Yeah, another day to be grateful. Well, that gives you a clue, I hope about the topic of this live. It’s about gratitude. I just wrote something about why do we struggle with gratitude. And that’s the invitation today. Let’s talk about gratitude. And why do people struggle? To feel grateful and people say I should I know I should be grateful. But I’m I don’t feel grateful at all or something similar. So we wanted to explore that. Any thoughts? Have you been hearing that in the clubhouse lately? In the clubhouse rooms?

Suraj 1:53
Yeah, one of the surprising things in clubhouse I’ve found was

Rani 1:57
somehow she has the audio social app. If you haven’t heard us talking about clubhouse yet,

Suraj 2:02
so yeah, it’s it seems to be everywhere. Maybe because we are clubhouse we think it’s, it’s the same thing, by the way it is. And if you need any invite or anything for our community here, just let us know. We’ve got some invites we can really very happy to share. So yeah, I was saying I find in the talk about only sort of spiritual, emotional matters. There. They seem to be everywhere, even in the business rooms, even in the marketing, they are talking about it. And that’s I wouldn’t have thought that that was the case, if I hadn’t actually hadn’t heard some of these conversations and walking into these rooms. And I was pleasantly surprised and people talking about this is your attitude, your mindset,

Rani 2:51
there’s a lot. There’s a lot of room. conversations about what high achievers do in the morning, what their morning routine is starting with a attitude of gratitude. So they’ll say yeah, and there’s one rule where they said, okay, hands up, who practices gratitude every single day, every single hand went up except for mine. And I was thinking, What’s wrong with me? Why do I not practice gratitude that everyone else seems to be? Did you get picked on?

Suraj 3:25
Explain yourself,

Rani 3:26
I was already on stage by the way.

Suraj 3:31
You didn’t make them look good. Yeah. And make them look good. Yeah. probably felt, you know, why don’t we cover up? Yeah, absolutely.

Rani 3:39
So anyway, so that’s the thing about gratitude. And what I’d written in the board here, you can see, I don’t know whether you can see or not, but it’s a very shiny bow today. And I’ve just rewritten, you know, I’ve just put some question marks gratitude. Is that an act? Is that a state? Or is it a practice? And so if you’re watching us, or if you even watch the replay, it would be nice for you to say something about what you resonate with in terms of regret, in terms of the word, it seems, a lot of the words we use come from Latin. And you know, I was greatest means thankful. And, but in the dictionary, or in the Wikipedia, they were talking about, there needs to be a reason to be grateful. And I guess that’s a challenge we have, don’t we? So if we say we are struggling to feel, feel gratitude, perhaps we’re trying past we are in a, you know, low state and we are really feeling crap. And then the thought pops in our head like, Oh, I should be grateful for and we don’t feel grateful and because it seems like we have to have a reason to feel gratitude, as sometimes you feel grateful. Yeah, yeah, grateful or even a sense of gratitude. And it seems like sometimes we really struggle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But mighty about Count your blessings. Like who cares? Oh, what about you? pad? Yeah, I know. But at the moment, I’m not feeling gratitude. Not.

Suraj 5:08
Not in this minute. Yeah, you can say. Yeah, absolutely. And that’s a really human experience. And that’s very real for everyone. Yeah, you cannot be in a state of gratitude. 24 seven, that’s probably some people are good on them. And but yeah, what? Yeah, but

Rani 5:28
yeah, I do wonder I do wonder when you say that there surely there are some people and and perhaps the, the ones I’m thinking about are maybe bongs you know, monks and Buddhist or people who are, you know, they are sort of, in a way they have sacrificed their life or, you know, they are in some retreats and doing this sort of, you know, practicing to be a monk or that sort of thing. Because where every single thing they have to, you know, the whole practice is about, you know, maybe sweeping the floor or doing something and force for, I don’t know what they call it, but darshana or something. But anyway, whatever they do is a part of their practice in order to be a monk or to carry on the you know, what they are learning from their, from their What do you call it? teachers? Yeah,

Suraj 6:23
yeah. guides. Yeah. But even I, yeah, you’d have thought so isn’t it. But even for monks, what may must be true is, there’s always this pursuit of a sort of higher spiritual awakening isn’t there. So you always, you start somewhere, you start the basement, and then you sort of begin to go up in terms of your own with your own knowledge and understanding of spiritual matters. And so there is always that yearning for more enlightenment for monks. Yeah. And I think that’s been described in eastern scriptures, like the Upanishads. I mean, they, they talk about, yeah. So you cannot just decide one day, you are going to become a monk and suddenly become enlightened The next day, it’s a, it’s a laborious, sort of, it takes years. So it takes it’s not a case of, you know, two, three years, and it takes like 16 years to talk about 18 years and 20 years of study. So yeah, that it sounds simple, but the road to that ultimate sort of enlightenment is, it’s a tough one. And, and a lot of people start climbing that mountain of enlightenment, and then they have to give up and then sort of retreat and then again, have to retrace their steps and go back up. So it is, it is that way,

Rani 7:49
but surely it will be easier for them. Because they have very limited distractions than us who are also doing busy doing our day to day day to day work. We have to feed the kids, we have to do the homeschooling, we have to look at the business and work and so on. So what is that? That’s our spiritual journey, you know, isn’t that that’s a really interesting one, isn’t it? And it still is a spiritual journey, although we might not label

Suraj 8:17
life life itself is a spiritual, and we don’t have to just renounce life and go and adopt some. Yeah, a foreign way of being in a different way of life and just to just in pursuit of enlightenment, so yeah, I mean, that’s what you they tell you at the end of it, you realize, Oh, no, you were always home. When you came, you climb up this mountain looking for enlightened? Well, I’m looking for peace of mind. But at the end of the day, you come back home? Are you a counselor, therapist or healthcare professional, passionate about empowering people with mental health issues? If so, why not join our new mental wealth mastery community as a founding member? So if you want to find out more, follow the link in the show notes of this episode. So let’s return to our conversation.

Rani 9:12
Yeah, and going back to the experience of gratitude is the same as experience of love. You know, yesterday, people were talking about how much they loved you know, the spouse or you know, the friend or someone so yesterday there was a lot of expression of love and view, you know, all know that that’s not limited to one day, but when you also have that experience of love, you have this sense of gratitude, which does sweeps over you. So it’s like the floodgates open up. You know, when you are in that experience, you just are in that experience, you can’t help but feeling a sense of gratitude. And I guess what I struggled with when when in this rooms, they were talking about what people do on a day to day basis. To build this muscle of gratitude, and then I was, you know, sitting in listening to those conversations and thinking, should I be practicing something that I don’t practice? You know, is there something wrong that I don’t see? I need to practice. And honestly, honestly, Suresh is just like another habit, I guess in the apple thing. That’s the only thing you know, if you practice something, if you sit down and for six minutes, and you focus on your heart, as in the physical heart, and then you do the thing grateful for heartbeats, and yeah, yeah, that’s, that’s one way of thinking about eight. But surely, are we not limiting ourselves to just that five minutes or six minutes, then it

Suraj 10:44
depends on your paradigm, isn’t it, I mean, depends on if you think gratitude is a habit, then you you need some kind of practice, you need some kind of diligent routine to bring, make that a part of your life, everyday life. And, and that will probably apply to any you need to be compassionate, you need to be kind, you need to be loving to other people, to your fellow beings. And that, because those would be equally important to you as well. And what you were saying earlier was when the floodgates open, once you open yourself up to a newer understanding this kind of, to connect with that deeper sense of who you are, then there’s no separate compartments where love sits and compassion is there and the gratitude. So yeah, it is it is all one then you experience the oneness of it all. So when you when you’re connected to your to that to the gratitude, that’s always, always ever present. Yeah, then you don’t have to think switch on turn on and different switch to feel compassionate or different switch to feel love. So everything, you know yourself, you know, the expression of everything.

Rani 11:58
You know, what came to mind, when you were saying all this, I was almost like thinking of a shop. Okay, so on one corner of the shop, they’re selling love. On the other corner, they’re selling gratitude, the other corner, they’re selling hope. Now the corner, they have either thing, joy, and another one is, you know, peace of mind. And it’s like, Okay, if I do this practice, then I’ll you know, maybe I’ll just take a little bit of everything, and then I’ll be happy… like ‘pick-n-mix’. And sometimes, I don’t want to feel gratitude, I want more of the laughter in my life. So I’m going to pick more of those that have loved ones rather than the gratitude ones. And today, there’s nothing to feel grateful for. So I’ll just abandon that. I’m going to do that. And hey, the thing is that

I’m

Suraj 12:53
sorry for putting that thought in your head.

Rani 12:57
No, I’m really enjoying it. But the thing is that what if we are carrying that gift where everything’s already together and then the way we express it comes out as love the way we express it, it comes out as gratitude, the way we express it comes down as joy.

Suraj 13:14
And it’s not for us to try and make an effort to label those. It’s it’s for whoever you are touching in your life and it’s up for them to see it as they will see. Yeah, and that’s that’s not for us to worry.

Rani 13:30
Yes, that but when you It seems like when we say you have to practice gratitude, you have to practice piece is like we have those things are outside of us. And we need to practice so that we incorporate them in our lives. So it’s like it’s all outside there. So the more we practice to this will come in, but what we’re saying is this paradigm of inside out is already within and the more we see clearly, that is the only barrier is the mind gets in the way. And then we we see we see the see through the illusion of the mind tricks of the mind. And we allow that to happen. But we know that when the when the mind quietens, the gratitude will come out, the love will come out in a way we express it in different ways when we are going around different situations in life, but it’s the same thing. Right? Absolutely.

Suraj 14:23
It’s just about taking the quote of your mind off and sort of hanging your coat somewhere. And then if you like you, all that you are kind of expresses was once that sort of layer of the mind is gone. And and that’s what it is. So, what we’re trying to say is it’s not a it’s not a state, it’s not an act, it’s not a practice, be something much more profound and something

Rani 14:51
and it can be days it can be that is a starting point and as you know, depending on where, like you said, but the person’s paradigm is the perception And is no harm in this. But I think I guess the thing is when people stop practicing, and they say, Oh, the reason why I’m not feeling gratitude is because I haven’t practices. So I do need to do apply a lot of this in my life, I need to practice a lot. And then gratitude will return. So that’s the, that’s the myth, isn’t it?

Suraj 15:19
Yeah. And it kind of, if you’re not careful, if this doesn’t prompt you to look deeper within, then you probably shouldn’t practice this, I would say, if you, if you know you did, it’s okay to do all of that. But as long as you know where those feelings your gratitude really comes from, so it’s not outside anything inside out. So these can act as your habits can act as prompts, your habits can act as pointers. And that’s, that’s all there. That’s, that’s why we have as long as you’re in the physical form, we will need habits, we will need some sort of good have to make good choices, they have to have a sensible lifestyle, if you like,

Rani 16:09
yeah, I think ultimately, what happens is, if we are applying this as like a fad of some kind is something to do, this won’t last long. But if we see this, the reason why it might have if it has to become a lifelong habit is because we do this, but we see beyond just the act, we see beyond it just being a state that I need to get into. We see it beyond just a practice, because and then it like we talked about there is this inner purpose and an outer purpose. And you know, when we talk about inner purpose, the inner purpose is to no gratitude from a whole new dimension. And sort of outer purpose would be then to either go go ahead and do whatever we want to do in this state of gratitude in this experience of gratitude, and share what we share, but I think it needs to be in more than just surface level just a topping off or icing in the cake for so for example, isn’t it. So there needs to be more more depth and just a curiosity. But it doesn’t matter if people start there. I guess what I have seen for myself Suraj is we started this journey of personal development in the we walked on fire. We did all those incantations, I did a lot of positive affirmations, like, I am good, you know, I am lovable I, all those sort of things. Sometimes it didn’t make sense to me at all, but I kept doing those. And then I was surprised as to why I didn’t get the long lasting effect is it changed my state for sure. Like, you know, I am good and unconfident. And yeah, I can do it sort of thing. But

Suraj 17:51
long enough.

Rani 17:53
But it just didn’t seem exactly it was not sustainable. And at some point, I was like, What the hell? Why am I even doing those? It doesn’t even make sense. Because there was a part of me that knew that that was not the you know, it was not doing much to me.

Suraj 18:10
I think there is a lesson there is that if well being if gratitude, if he being loving, and being compassionate, is taking an effort is seeming effortful, you’re probably going the wrong way. Because this is all about doing less, not doing more and engaging the mind less, and allowing the mind to rest and letting all those things come from it deeper from from your true essence. So, yeah,

Rani 18:43
yes. I mean, I haven’t got anything else to say other than just

Suraj 18:48
let us know what your thoughts are and how you see, you know, gratitude. And absolutely no, there’s no wrong answer, as we said, but yeah, these are habits are always good pointers to really finding out who we truly are. those are those are important. practices have got their place. Yeah. So we are kind of not knocking it in here. And just don’t get us wrong.

Rani 19:13
This is just how we see it at the moment. Yeah, yeah. And what we would also like you to do is we are really looking for ideas for our Facebook Lives, we are looking always looking for what people might be interested in. So if you have any questions or you are interested in a particular topic, please drop us a direct message and say, Hey, can you talk about this, I’m, you know, I really would like to learn more, or I would just like to learn your views. So that way we know that whatever we’re putting out there on a Monday or any other day is something that you look forward to and is of value to you. So that’s what I wanted to say. Yeah, anything. Anything else? Okay, so that’s it. Short and sweet one, and right now. It’s what time is it like? Is it the evening 730 50 UK time. So have a good evening from wherever you’re watching, and we hope to get in touch with you soon and do do like or comment on this post so that we know that whatever we put out there is of some use to you. Yeah. All right and have a lovely evening or day. Yeah, guys.

Suraj 20:22
Thank you for listening to this episode. If you have enjoyed it, please feel free to share it using the social media buttons on this page. We’d also be very grateful if you could rate review and subscribe to listening to well being on Apple podcasts. Your

Rani 20:36
reviews help us reach and connect with more listeners like yourself. Remember, true well being is always innate and constant